31 May 2009

Discovery!

The weather in good old UK is glorious at the moment and whilst I have some time before I go out and enjoy it I thought I would share with you some of the lovely photos I took yesterday. 

After I finally got hold of a camera bag and new backpack (there will be a post about that soon), I finally took the plunge and ventured out with my new camera.

28 May 2009

Over it?

Dudes & dudettes,

there's me thinking I've had a motivational brain wave, epifany, if you will. I've been all raring to go since yesterday (OK, not all procrastination has ceased but I'm doing a Phd, I'm not dead!), all I did this morning was spend 3 hours uncovering new literature, updating my EndNote library, coming across a 2009 paper that sounded exactly like my research but applied to a different liquid (ghay!), etc. I spend my lunch at my desk and spent all afternoon in the lab and this last hour doing data analysis...

And it's useless because I am mega crap at this bloomin' PhD. I really should quit despite whether I've had a change of heart about wanting to. I really can't do it, it's not doubt, lack of confidence, or lack of motivation talking now, it's my inner self -- she always seems to know the truth despite how long I deny it for. I don't have the intelligence. I don't even think I want to carry on in academia afterwards anyway!

What do I dooooo?! I need some serious help. There is a meeting set up with Super tomorrow morning at 11am and I have 4 options really...

  • Pretend
    I could completely pretend that all is going somewhat to plan, with only a few hiccups, in the hope that Super still has even half an ounce of faith left in me, and work my damned hardest to sort things out. That probably equals late evenings and weekends at uni. I'll tell ya, I'm willing to do that if that's what it takes to get this things (back) on track, but the problem is: I have no idea where to start. Exactly how much of my almost-filled lab book is just rotten and diseased? God knows. Super definitely doesn't know!
  • Come clean
    I could come clean about having doubts, motivational issues and generally just struggling with the work and/or with a PhD. Maybe then I can just wipe the slate clean a little. But, I've tried this before and either I don't really get my point across about how difficult I am finding it or Super just doesn't hear me!
  • Lie
    Now, I don't normally advocate lying but if a little white lie -- such as, I have been having personal and/or family problems -- is gonna get me out of a whole heap of potential mess, then what's the harm? As long as I am doing it for the right reasons.
  • Quit
    I think that one speaks for itself.

I repeat, what do I dooooo?! I have to shoot off now as I am going to have a night in -- takeaway, wine and a movie -- with my new housemates. I am really not in the mood but I really don't want to cancel. Hopefully it will be good and I won't have had too much wine to cycle home later.

Not an amazingly happy bunny but toodles!

27 May 2009

PhD peevedness!

Dear uninvited guest,

OK, you clearly know as well as I do that I haven't frequented my lab much over the past week or so. But, having swipe card access to my lab and me not being present during your scavenging mission, does not give you license to pilfer my equipment.

As I am sure you know, the items you took -- the power meter and laser shutter -- are very useful, in fact, I assume that's the very reason you took them. However, your need and/or desire of said items does not give you priority.

Allow me, if you will, to elaborate on exactly how vital those items are to me;
  1. Laser shutter
    I now have to switch off the power and remove the key for the laser every single time I leave my lab -- a lot, considering the amount of data I end up ferrying around between my equipment and my computer, situated on the floor above, no less.

  2. Power meter
    My current measurements involve me reducing the laser power until the trapping power is no longer sufficient to overcome the viscous force of the surrounding medium. I am sure you can guess, if not, as a fellow scientist, agree with me that power value readings are pretty damn important there.

If, unbeknownst to me, those items are to be shared, then I shall share. If you're going to steal borrow them, tell me. There is plenty of paper and the odd pen in my lab for you to leave me a note. I won't be cross, I promise, so long as I know where and/or when I can get them back.

Definitely no love,

peeved PhD..

[/rant]

_______________________


I have e-mailed Super asking him if he knows where they are as he often takes the power meter. I am beginning to wonder if he is removing things from my lab to see exactly how long it takes me to notice they're gone. Maybe he has a hunch I've been avoiding the lab lately. Paranoid, much?

26 May 2009

Potential

Despite not hearing my 8am phone alarm this morning, maybe after turning it off or even smothering it with my body -- phone alarms are really no good, I must revert to my alarm clock -- I got straight out of bed at 9am, jumped in the shower and was ready to go fairly quickly. I felt ready to work.

So today has the potential to be really good. I am feeling productive., especially on the PhD front. R made a good suggestion; a To-Do list. Now, it's not difficult to sell a To-Do List to me, of all people; I love 'em! But he stipulated that it should be rather detailed, he should be able to ask me about whether I have achieved said items, oh and it should be work related -- forgot that minor detail -- not so good at those, well completing them anyway.

I have received an e-mail about a photon science poster session at the end of June. I will get some fatty-bumbum (translation: good) results and hopefully, rapidly put a poster together. Rather exciting.

I didn't do much over the bank holiday weekend apart from enjoying the weather and getting a little jolly on Friday night for a friends visit. How about you lot? I did however, receive the 2 reading circle books from Amazon and buy the pink 'Kag in a Bag' (although they called it 'Jack in a Pack' as it zips down all the way). R even got one of the black 'Kag in Bag''s as it was half-price.

Oh and I placed an order at Jessops for a Lowepro camera bag but won't be able to pick that up until at least Friday. Booo! But at least then I feel that I can start exploring the outdoors with my DSLR. I'm now just waiting for this month's pay before I order my lovely Jansport bag. I'm too excited. :D

That will do for now.

Toodles!

Images: Goddess_Spiral

21 May 2009

I ♥ rain.

Not.

Well, rain is OK perse, but cycling in it is just not fun. And I tell you what else is not fun; that it's not raining before you start cycling, it's not raining after you stop cycling but is pelting it down when you are or at least won't stop whilst you're waiting for it to stop so you can cycle! All that happened to me today. I got drenched in the rain and took me 3 hours to dry at uni.

So, today I am buying a kagool or a 'Kag in a Bag'. Either black or a funky pink.


Then, I am buying a new backpack -- one that is actually designed to accommodate my laptop, too -- so that everything in my bag -- clean pants, tissue, diary, book, almost everything -- doesn't get wet when cycling in the rain. What do you think of this Jansport bag? I think it's beautiful! lol.

So sexy! Is it worth £50 though? Probably. Ooooh, gimmie!

It seems quite hard to get hold of though. Amazon do it but only in red, navy or white. I'd consider red and navy but it's the black I really want. This website: ePacks, has it in black but I've never shopped with them before. How many of you put your faith in an online company you've never shopped with before? It's difficult.

Should I, shouldn't I? Help!

Toodles!

20 May 2009

Reading Circle

Incase you don't already know, I love reading!

Sometime ago, I joined a virtual book club, inventively called The Book Club Forum, whose main interaction -- as you can probably deduce -- is via their forum. It really is a great place to talk about everything literary with fellow bookworms but unfortunately, I haven't been at all active there. I thought now is the time to get a little more involved and my first port of call -- as has been during all my previous well-intentioned visits -- is their Reading Circle.

Just to quickly explain how their Reading Circle works;
The Reading Circle, around since the early days of the forum, has now settled into a monthly read. During the preceding month, members can nominate, and then vote for, their choice of book.

The Reading Circle is a chance for forum members to get involved, from nominations, through to discussions. At present, nominations include all genres, but there have been 'themed months', covering such genres as 'classics', 'historical fiction', etc.

You can see all previous Reading Circle books by visiting Kell's Reading Circle Fast Finder. To buy previous or current choices, visit their bookstore.

The Reading Circle's choice for May was The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo, but we're already well into May, I'm still reading the Twilight Saga, I believe it's quite a long book, and, oh this small problem of my PhD...

So, I'll start first with the Reading Circle's choice for June: Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs, as part of the Main Reading Circle. Then, in June: The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas, as part of the Classics Reading Circle. I've just pur-chased both of them for 1p (yup, £0.01) each from Amazon. Well, if you exclude the postage & packing of £2.75 per book.

Out of the 66 titles they've read so far, although I've heard of most of them, -- so they're not really obscure, like most book clubs -- I've only read about 6 of them. 9% is not too good, time to work on that.

One final piece of the Reading Circle puzzle, will be the start of my Reading Circle Reviews, posted here, on my blog. So watch this space. Maybe some of you can even get involved too?

Toodles!

Images: Manyaro

Musical Freebie

I told you guys about it one Freebie Friday a couple of weeks ago but thought it was worth reminding you that you can download a free copy of Coldplay's 'LeftRightLeftRightLeft' album -- which I believe to be a live album they recorded during their most recent tour, but I haven't yet listened to my copy.

It is Coldplay's way of saying 'Thank you' to all their fans.


Get your copy here.

Toodles!

19 May 2009

Recovery

Recovery is an excellent word to apply to what's been going 'down' lately. I don't actually know where to start...

{ Busted laptop }

Wonderful, just what I need, a broken laptop. But that's what I got. Some people, if they knew I attempted to upgrade the RAM from 500MB to 1.5GB and then do a system restore, miiiight think I was the cause. But, considering the RAM upgraded fine, and it was thanks to the system restore failure that the laptop wouldn't boot, then I know you don't blame me, do ya? ;)

Luckily, I'd just backed up everything that was on the laptop -- which actually wasn't a great deal that I didn't already have backed up, as I don't trust laptops as far as I can throw them -- before I'd attempted the system recovery so that wasn't a problem. Buuut, Dell went through a period (that period may not have ended) of shipping their laptops without any recovery/installation and driver CDs. Cut a long story short, I finally managed to get my hands -- which the owner said I could keep -- formatted my hard drive and reinstalled Windows. What a mission to get hold of all the drivers and updates though! Then there are all the programs to re-install. Massive amount of annoyance but it has to be done. I shall create a restore point which will make future restoration to loveliness an altogether easier undertaking. Then, I am going to upgrade the RAM again. All should be hunky dory soon enough.

{ I'm infected! }

And I haven't yet reached the recovery phase. Dammit. I'm just going to go ahead and say what you're all thinking... I hope it isn't swine flu! But you can rest assured, there is no evidence to prove that the infection can be transmitted whilst reading my blog. Never fear, my dear. :)

OK, so I know that's a lose connection to the word 'Recovery' but it counts, OK?

{ Blog Boringness }

I always considered my blog to be quite boring and, for the reader, left a lot to be desired but not as far as Abstaining Irene from Year of My Fake Engagement is concerned. And how do I know this? Because this lovely lady has chosen me as one of her 5 nominees for a 'One Lovely Blogger' Award. I know, that's what I thought; what was she thinking?! Awww thaaaanks Irene!

I have seen these types of awards floating around the blogosphere and I never thought I would ever get one, but it really is lovely to get one. :D So, I suppose, my blog seems to have recovered from it's blog boringness disease. I shall soon post my nominees.

{ PhD }


I wish there was a better word for PhD, a cosier, softer one. Then, it might be a little easier on the eye, and not leave people wondering where the letters come from or which letters should actually be capitalised. Then maybe it wouldn't cause me to start sweating like who knows what at the thought of the state mine is in at the moment.

How about 'Fudd'? It's so close to the fudge, and fudge is nice! Or maybe people will start thinking of Elmer Fudd? Well, I would start using it permanently but well, it might just confuse people.

Anyway, I digress. I had a post in the pipeline about 'coming clean' regarding my lack of motivation and, therefore lack of productive work, for my PhD R and I had a big chat (and I had a big blub) about what I should do -- soldier on, or quit. I can't keep taking the money when I hate it so much and am struggling to produce anything worthy of a PhD And if I do carry on, I run the risk of not getting a reference from my PhD Super. That's going to put me up shit creek without a paddle. I still don't really know how I feel about it all to be honest and although I'd like to be able to post and say that my lack of PhD motivation has recovered, I am not sure it has and I wouldn't like to tempt fate.

I think that's really all the recovery information I have for now. But actually, it's a bloomin' long post so it's more than enough.

Toodles!

15 May 2009

PictoBrowser

Bonjour,

how are we all today? Good I hope. I'm not too bad, got over my little bout of sicky-ness yesterday -- no idea what that was all about?!

Anyway, I have something else (I believe to be) funky to share with you. It's called PictoBrowser and I found it after a long and hard search for a way to share and display my (yet to be created) Flickr photostream. I tried out several different options including Airtight Interactive's Simpleviewer (of which there are Flash and HTML versions), Flickr badges and slideshows, and several other widgets. None of them gave me the kind of functionality or customisability I was after. Then, hidden under a virtual rock somewhere on the internet, I unearthed this little gem.

As I haven't really got any Flickr photos, I opted to display photos from Flickr group Sony Alpha World, at the bottom of this page. Click the link in the left sidebar << to scroll down and have a look. I will change it to display my photos once I actually take some worthy photos.

Unlike the HTML SimpleViewer, it doesn't involve heavy HTML and CSS coding or the need to host all the photos you want to display -- and for those of us who are devoid of that mysterious entity known as a 'server', it means a lot of 1-on-1 time with Imageshack, Photobucket or Tinypic.com, i.e. not what I wanted!

Similarly, unlike the Flickr badges and slideshows (HTML or Flash), PictoBrowser has so many customisable options so your slideshow really will look how you want and still look the business! You can change;
  • PictorBrowser's Width and Height
  • Image file size (medium or large)
  • Image Vertical Alignment
  • Image Titles (on/off)
  • Image Notes (on/off)
  • Thumbnails AutoHide (on/off)
  • Image Zoom (on/off)
  • PictoBrowser's background color
  • Navigation background color
You can only show pictures from Flickr, it's true, but you can choose from your sets, groups or keywords. I simply created a set called 'Blogger' and bunged all my photos in there.

Toodles!


12 May 2009

The arrival, then the departure

So, I haven't really let you guys in on it yet but my new beautiful digital SLR camera arrived on Monday. Well, it would have arrived on Saturday if I'd been at home and been able to sign for the special delivery. But instead I had to wait till Monday lunch time to make a visit to the delivery office.

It arriving on Saturday would have done little good anyway as I realised far too late that I didn't have the correct memory card; a Compact Flash, which is more square than the ones which slot inside digital compact cameras. I have an abundance of those! Sod's law.

Anyway, after ordering (only yesterday, I s'poooose) and what seemed like an age, Amazon finally dispatched my memory card! Woop! However, it is being sent via First Class post (not the quickest of Royal Mail's services, lemme tell ya) and from Jersey, Channel Islands no less. Amazon's estimated delivery date of my memory card? Saturday 16th May! Good lord child, that's too long, I cannot wait! But I shall have to.

I am glad I pur-chased it from said website though as it was £17.99 (with free P&P, as I am an Amazon Prime member) -- and that increased to £19.99 today -- compared with at least £29 in the shops. Though, you know, a friend asked me "£11 extra for a day or two of having it in your hand? "* Initially, I said no but if I'd know it was gonna be a bloody week of extra playtime, I might have frickin' paid the £29.

*Yes, yes, I know, it's not really a perfectly formed question. Take it up with him, not me.
OK, let's swing it back to positivity and away from my anger simply from being impatient. The camera is wonderful! I have almost no idea what I'm doing and it's fab! Haha! Wish me luck... and pray for my package to arrive asap.

Toodles!

11 May 2009

Tagged: Getting to know Me...

OK it's my turn to let you all get to know me. My tag comes from Vanessa over at Nessasary Makeup.

{ THE RULES }

Take a picture of yourself RIGHT now. No primping or preparing. Just snap a picture. Load the picture onto your blog. Tag some people to play.

^^
Me just after coming home from uni, I decided to go for a bit of monochrome (it's flattering, don't you know?). Oh and you can see my fancy University of Manchester lanyard. Yup, geek alert.

{ I had to add the photo later as I did not have my digicam (or the cable) with me and I still don't know how to get photos from my phone to a computer. Duh! }

I tag anyone who hasn't done this yet.

{ THE QUESTIONS }

Q: What made you choose your blog?
A: Well, I'm not sure I really chose it as such. I just decided to start blogging mainly because I'd started so many blogs before and I'd lost interest in all of them. I love writing and when I was younger, always had a diary so the writing part comes fairly easily to me, assuming I have a topic.

Q: What's your actual name?
A: Jennifer S

Q: Do you have any nicknames?
A: Yup, Jen, Ginge, Gingerella, Ginger Jen, Niffa, Robin, Cutie, Sweetcheeks, HoneyCups, Brummie, maybe some I'm not aware of?

Q: What hobbies do you have?
A: I love reading and writing! I'm not overly artistic but some crafts are quite fun and taking up baking and cake decorating sort of fell under the mildly artistic heading. I do like cooking when I have time. Oh and how could I forget music! I adore singing and am an alto in my university's choir and orchestra society. I can actually play the violin but decided not to join the orchestra section, not yet anyway. I've just invested in a new hobby; photography, by purchasing a digital SLR camera but we shall have to see how that all pans out...

Q: What do you do?
A: I am a research student in Manchester in the UK and am working towards a PhD in Physics. I've been doing it for just over a year and a half now and sometimes, it sucks but I am hoping it will all be worth it in the end.

Q: What would you like to do?
A: I would either like to teach (Physics at high school or college level) or work for a scientific magazine, journal or editorial company e.g. Physics World, New Scientist, Scientific American, etc. I think that fits in nicely with my love of writing and reading.

Q: Tell us something embarrassing, but that you love doing?
A: Hmm... it's a tough choice but actually I will choose a hobby I didn't mention, cross-stitch. I suppose this comes under the craft heading again. Cross-stitch is a type of sewing and I have loved doing it ever since I was in my teens. My then boyfriend used to laugh at and ridicule me for it as he thought it was very 'granny-like' and several of my friends have laughed at it. But I don't really care. It's fun! Later I will try and upload a picture of one I did recently for my mom's birthday. { Oops! I can't find it. }

Q: Tell us a little something that we don't already know about you.
A: I am a very sensitive and worrisome person and although I don't ever really show it, I can be easily affected by the things others say or think about me. People that I don't know, and will probably never meet again, can take a running jump but the words, thoughts and feelings of the people in my life can have a massive affect on my mood and happiness. I tend to hide my true feelings and become rather defensive which is why most people find me very difficult to get to know. Despite that, I am a very sarcastic and jokey person (so not sensitive all the time) and the more I like you, the more I will be sarcastic and take the proverbial pee out of you. I know, I'm like a school boy in the playground, aren't I?

Q: What achievement are you most proud of?
A: My masters degree actually. It has a funky title; MSc in Photon Science! All together now: 'Ooooh!', but I think it's mainly because I managed to mess up my bachelors degree a little and having got a distinction overall for my MSc proved that I wasn't such a bad scientist after all, especially after being considered a rather average student at science when I was in high school. Although being accepted onto the PhD was a proud moment, if I'm honest I'm not sure if being declined the place would have been better for me.

Q: What do you most like about yourself?
A: Well, some people have said I'm funny, and I like that. Also, I am very loyal and once we are friends, I am your friend for life (unless you do something to muck it up) and even if we don't talk every day or see each other much, I haven't forgotten about you. I will do a lot for the people I love and care about.

Q: What would you change about yourself if you could?
A: Hmm physically, I'd maaaybe have a nose job and get laser eye surgery. Emotionally/mentally or whatever, I would change my insecurities, especially those related to friendships and relationships and would believe that people do actually like me for who I am and want to spend time with me; it would solve a lot of problems. I'm also a bit (very) obsessive compulsive but I'm not sure I'd change that actually lol.

Q: If you could have anything in the world (that doesn't cost any money), what would you want?
A: Apart from love, I'd wish for my nan, who passed away when I was about 9, to come and visit, even if it was just for a day, so that we could see her one last time. I still miss her lots! Oooh I feel a little weepy now.

Well, those are all the Q's, so that's all from me. Your turn!!

Toodles!

08 May 2009

Funkin' tilt-shift!

I know, I know, I'm late on sharing this funky thing with you that I promised yesterday but it's here now. And I am sure you are all about to be majorly disappointed but I think it's great! :D

It's something called... wait, wait, waaaait! Let's go the whole (disappointment) hog and build this thing right up...

*drum roll please*

Now, let me first explain: there is a little gem of a photographic technique called tilt-shift photography which takes an image of a real life scene and makes it look like it is a miniature scale model. (Pause: how effing cool is that?!)

This website, Tilt-shift Maker, will do it for you! Just upload your digital photo and wait while it is transformed to look like a miniature model. There are tips on the best photographs to upload as some pictures work better than others.

Here are just some examples (click to enlarge):


{ Ephesus, Greece }


{ Seattle Stadium }


{ Frankfurt Airport Terminal 2 }


{ Las Vegas }


Head on over to the website and check out more from the gallery or have a go at uploading your own. I want to see samples!

But just hold your horses, it doesn't end there. I have now unearthed this wonderful little tilt-shift video entitled Bathtub IV by Keith Loutit, a photographer from Sydney, Austrailia.

How fab is that?! Well, very, I think. I hope you all enjoyed the funkin' tilt-shift as much as I did!

Toodles!

07 May 2009

Problem solved!

Yay! I am happy to report some problem solving has been taking place whilst you weren't looking!

Problem #1

May I refer you to the post immediately before this one.

I swallowed my pride and any stubbornness and solved the problem which, as expected, involved me giving in and smoothing things over. The picture I posted gave me inspiration and I just sent him an e-mail, like so;


Wow! I'm such a lovely girlfriend, aren't I? And you know you could learn a thing or two from my apologising technique.

Anyway, I didn't have to wait too long before he replied asking to meet for lunch. So yaaay! I did it! Sorted.

And so onto...

Problem #2

In a nutshell; I wanted to take up photography but alas (!), I do not have a digital SLR camera. The price of a good starter kit coupled with my complete noobness (novice), meant I didn't want to spend £400+ on something I wasn't even sure I was going to be any good at/enjoy. So the purchase of a DSLR was somewhat put on hold. I began to resign myself to the fact that it was going to be on hold indefinitely, just like the acoustic guitar I was going to buy and teach myself to play. Oops!

But no! A digital night in shining armour has rescued this damsel in distress and she shall at last go to the digital photography ball! (Oh shut up, you love it!) My sisters friend and work college has decided to sell his;
  • 16 month old Sony A350 camera (fully and originally boxed)
  • Sony 18 - 70mm kit lens
  • Sigma 18 - 55mm lens
  • Tamron 70 - 200mm lens
all for £320!! I've done my research, that's a steal! And after a long, hard think (approx. 3hours lol) and many detailed questions to the seller, I decided Bruce's price is right! His name is not Bruce -- I'm so excited I'm talking gobbledegook! I mean, please observe just how bloody beautiful it looks here!



So watch this space as I begin my ascent up the incredibly steep learning curve that is digital photography. I'm dead excited!

Just so you know, I am probably going to blog again today as I have something funky to share with you!

Toodles!

My vow

I made a vow to myself not to harp on about relationship stuff here, mainly because I can't really remember where I've posted a link to my blog so who knows who could be reading, not very private eh? But also because I don't want to bore you lovely people. Then, I figured, that any post might be better than no post at all... Aaand I am hoping airing it will make me feel better.

Because right now I feel like - pardon my french - shit. I don't know how, after arguing with R, this always happens; even when I think I am 100% in the right, I feel far too guilty. Maybe I do know why, because I always worry that just incase the last time I ever see or speak to that person, was the time I was annoyed with them, and it scares me half to death. In fact, that's probably the only reason I feel like crying after arguing. I say I hate arguing, it's not very fun that's for sure, but really, it's the aftermath of the argument that I hate; the panic of not being able to fix it quick enough.

So, the result; I give in and I would say I'm almost always the one to make the first move to try and patch things up. That's no way to live your lives people, let me tell you, because then you're always the one to apologise and give in and you get labelled weak. Maybe I am. Yup, I'm weak. But maybe that's better than being too hard?

The other key point is that I can be really, mega p'eed off in the moment and around the person that shit kicked off with, but within minutes, in fact maybe even pre-emptively before we have departed, I start to feel incredibly awful and will resort to all sort of tactics to stick around more so that I may have the opportunity to fix it, say sorry, make amends. I might never take the opportunity but I go to significant lengths to make the opportunity arise. That's sad isn't it? I should just apologise and be done with it rather than all this beating around the bush and making myself feel awful all day about the thing I wanted to do but was too stubborn to do.

Another reason why I don't like to talk about relationship issues; I don't like the idea of anyone - yup, that includes complete strangers - thinking that things aren't rosey. But hey, Jen, life is not rosey. Get a grip!

So yeh, right now, I feel like I should apologise but I also feel this could be the pressure my own worrying has exerted on me so I'm holding back. Theeen I start to worry I am being stubborn.

Ultimately, maybe all this worrying is completely useless because the offended person is just going to cut their loses and be done with me. I don't want that to happen.

But this time, I really don't know how I got all the blame. Like, I'm bad, I can be bad, but this time I don't think I did anything bad enough to warrant being ignored so much. :( And I'm sad about it. I'm not all that confident I can manage the day feeling like this. Brain-wave: just send him that? And apologise. Text or e-mail? He's usually slower to notice his e-mails. I think I need your help guys on rules of how exactly one goes about apologising?! Why am I so horrendously awful at making apologises?!

D'ya know, I wish this was a completely anonymous blog (i.e. that some of you didn't know me, and R, personally) then you'd have the inside scoop on exactly what was said and his response. But that would be incredibly unfair. If he read this, he would probably think I've said too much already but I need to release! And here is my place to do it.

*sigh* I wanna fix it.


It's not really a rant but I labelled it so anyway. And in place of toodles;

Boo-hoo! :(