20 May 2010

Suffocated

Another one of those "sorry I've been away" blogs? Yes, correct. I am sorry, I have been busy. I'm never not busy, really. Rapunzel gave me some pearls of wisdom; wherever I am, write down my blogging ideas. Tried that, didn't work. Why? Mainly because there is little to zero excitement in my life, but also because the topics don't seem nearly as interesting upon second inspection. Finally, because I realised what is holding my blogging back...
... I'm not anonymous.

I have plenty of personal shizz that I'd like to share with you all, so much I want to just vent about. People I want to vent about but without my readers thinking less of them and/or me. But considering a lot of people I know and/or am related to read this blog, both with and without my knowledge, I just can't do it.

So, how does a Blogger go underground? How do they reinvent themselves? How can they entice their lovely followers to do just that, follow them underground.

Tuppence has an invite only blog which I considered following suit. But that could possibly get a little confrontational when a friend or family member asks me for an invite and I have to say "Er... no?" How would I deal with that. Sometimes I just want to vent about my life to people who don't know me in real life, and can't get offended, hurt or angry or most of all, judge me for the things I say and do as well as judging the people I dish the dirt on. I should be entitled to that right? Maybe wrong. Maybe I don't have the right to "dish the dirt" on people.

I am so envious of people who had the foresight to keep their identity hidden. I want that. But I don't want to have to start all over again. You lot are all for keeps and I'd rather not lose you.

There's all sorts of philosophical questions; why do you need to be anonymous? Why can't you just be yourself and not care what other people think? But, aside from saying I do care, those all sound like judgemental questions, which I don't really care enough about to sit down and ponder answers to.

Oh boy, I'm getting excited just thinking about all the possible topics I would feel free to write about if I possessed anonymity! It could just turn into a big bitch fest.... but I think I really want to do this.

But then I know a lot of it might revolve around my current relationship, friends and family and no matter how anonymous I would think I am, my fear would be that I could always be found out. I would hate for any of the people I really care about to read a rant after a bad day, or a truthful but painful comment. Which is why I try not to do it now; I don't want to hurt anyone.

So, what do you suggest? Would you do it? Have you done it? How does a blogger completely rearrange their virtual life and identity?

9 comments:

  1. I am non anonymous, obviously. I do, however, have an old Livejournal that I use for the odd rant. It's locked so noone can stumble across it.

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  2. its hard when family and friends watch you blog, you do feel you have to watch what you say just incase they do read your blog that day.

    I have no idea how you could start all over again without them knowing...
    maybe start a new blog and just email your regular people the link?

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  3. I know exactly what you mean - one of the reasons I stopped blogging before is that my friends found my blog before I really felt like I'd found my feet and worked out what I wanted to write about and I didn't feel as free. I started again, with the knowledge from the outset that people I knew might read every word. It *is* constraining but I'm trying to be brave about it!

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  4. I'm anonymous because I don't want anyone I know to find my blog! I like to have the opportunity to write about anything if I can.

    I wish there was an option to write private entries though. So only "friends" that you could select could read the more private ones... And then the generic posts could be for everyone's eyes.

    <3

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  5. It's ironic that you've posted about this because I feel the same way. As girls we NEED to vent about events and people in our lives but equally don't want to hurt feelings or burn bridges. Most of the time a simple brain vomit of emotions can cure frustrations and I say create your venue.
    Create a site just for you that is on another host (there are a million) and don't share it with anyone! Start at square one and network to get readers but create a pen name so no one knows it's you. It's a big world out there, I doubt anyone will ever stumble across it anyways!

    P.S. how's the weather? I'll be in York next weekend for about a week =)

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  6. I've never been fully anonymous, but once I got PROPERLY found out, I made the move to wordpress. As much as I hate the place, I can make individual posts password-protected. Which is a useful thing to have. That way I can rant and over-share and not have my friends and family know about it!

    xx

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  7. Did I really tell you that?! I was going to say how wise I am until you said it didn't work!

    I've had this dilemma as well. I think people have to go one way or the other when they start out, either completely anonymous or the other way when you'd be happy about anyway reading it. I've gone the latter but more because I put it on facebook when I first started rather than actually thinking about it.

    Why don't you keep this and start another completely anonymous one as others have suggested? Perhaps tell some other bloggers about it but don't tell family and friends.

    Good luck!

    Rapunzel x
    www.talesfromthetower.co.uk

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  8. I had one once. And then I really wanted someone to know about it and read my evil genius (I am a very good writer when I am all in the emotions...and brutally funny too...or so I am told). But you start to add people and then the time comes that you want to say something about THEM but they read it. In fact, they are one of the few seven people that do...it sucks. I don't know how to do a blog without people you know reading it and getting it off to a good start. If you find a way, let me know, I'd love to be able to do it too. Especially rant about dating without anyone knowing it's me, or who the guys I'm ranting about are :)
    I'm rambling. Shutting up now.

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  9. @Helen: a locked blog for ranting would be good actually. I suppose I don't neeeed anyone to actually read it, I just need to get it off my chest.

    @Alyssa: yeh,it is difficult and I watch what I say too, often writing a personal post and then deciding not to post it.

    @emma: Oooh I didn't realise that was why you stopped blogging?! How did they find it? I suppose it's not all bad that people we know read our blogs but just that 1 time out of 10, I wish nobody knew me really. You are being very brave indeed anyway!

    @LondonGirl: I really wish I could have the opportunity to write about anything I want, like yourself. You were clever! I was under the impression there was a password-protect facility on Blogger but it seems there isn't. Thinking about it, I know someone who left Blogger to move to Wordpress because of them offering that feature. I must admit, I don't read their blog as often anymore.

    @Morgan: I think I might try your suggestion, just to see how I like it first. Are you going to do the same? Partake in a little emotional brain vomiting (nice image) haha! Maybe we should form a partnership, rants from either side of the pond lol. Oh and the weather here was awesome but after a few days of being really sunny and not a cloud in the sky, it's already passed and is raining in Manchester. :( I'll keep my fingers crossed for when you're in York.

    @Susie Q: Aww that's a shame we lost you to Wordpress (I also hate the place!) but the option to password protect posts is very attractive. I even considered moving their myself but still not convinced. I do wish I could rant and over-share behind a password as well though!

    @Rapunzel: Yup, you really told me that. I agree with you about going one way or the other from the outset. And I made the wrong choice when I conceived this blog and afterwards. Initially, I didn't have my name anywhere but sometimes when I can only interact with bloggers via their username, I find it a little offputting and impersonal so I decided to throw a name (my name) in the mix. But now there's pictures of me as well. I think I made the mistake of having the link to my blog on Facebook at one point as well. Yup, have decided to keep this blog (despite sometimes feeling it is a disappointing child, I actually love it and am far too attached to let it go!) and start another completely anonymous one, mainly just to dip my toe in.

    @Lildonbro: Oooh interesting! What made you really want someone to know about your anonymous blog? I think we're very similar; good at writing and being brutally funny when "all in the emotions" and I could get really 'emotional' in an anonymous blog lol. But I would love to see you rant about dating so if I find a way that works, I will let you know! lol

    Thanks for all the lovely comments ladies! So, for now, I think I am just going to experiment with an anonymous and private blog, see how writing with no limitations feels. Who knows, I might not even like it after all that!

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